He just calls her love itself incarnate.Ĭompared to her, he knows he "fall short of what I say I'm all about." And this knowledge hurts him even more because he knows it's what sometimes causes her "eyes leave with the soul that your body once housed / And you stare blankly into space." As she stares off into space when she's with him, he worries that he might be losing her. But he then focuses the apologies right back on his wife rapping, "And I apologize 'cause at your best, you are love." She seems to be so kind and so forgiving here that Jay-Z doesn't waste time saying that she's loving. Jay-Z continues with the apologies of "4:44" by apologizing "to all the women whom I / Toyed with your emotions because I was emotionless." This could be about women he dated before his wife he seems to have been a bit of a player. Looking back, he rationalizes that because he wasn't emotionally present (and was likely cheating on her) maybe that's why her body seemed to have decided it wasn't time to give birth. He "mourn this death" of innocence and apologizes "for all the stillborns / 'Cause I wasn't present, your body won't accept it." We know that Beyonce miscarried at least once, so "all the" could refer to their love not being ready or mature being a sort of stillborn. Over the course of their relationship, he's "seen the innocence leave your eyes" as difficult things have happened to her and as he's hurt her repeatedly. When they got together "to go steady," Beyonce was twenty-one and Jay-Z, lacking finance or true care for her, told her, "Don't embarrass me," and regrets having been so callous, realizing now that she is actually the more mature one and that he was the one who "wasn't ready." He needed her more than he expected, and now he wishes he could change what he said: "So I apologize." But he was still crazy about her and talked with her "for hours when you were on tour" and remembers hoping that she'd be able to "pick up the phone" when he called so he could talk with her. He admits that he doesn't "deserve you" to Beyonce and remembers a time when he "harass you out in Paris." He asked her to "come back to Rome," which she did, and he feels bad perhaps for ordering her around or for being inconsiderate. He wishes he'd made these feelings public earlier. He admits that it took him "too long for this song" in which he apologizes to Beyonce and acknowledges his mistakes and blessings. And he continues, singing that when his "natural twins" were born, he began to "believe in miracles," leaving him a better person. Jay-Z tells us in this first verse of "4:44" that he apologizes for his past as a womanizer and admits that it "ook for my child to be born" to be able to "ee through a woman's eyes." It wasn't until his first child was born that he understood how much pain he was causing. Thinkin' of all the time, you wasted it on all this basic shit Your eyes leave with the soul that your body once housed Toyed with your emotions because I was emotionlessĪnd I apologize 'cause at your best you are loveĪnd because I fall short of what I say I'm all about 'Cause I wasn't present, your body wouldn't accept it You mature faster than me, I wasn't ready Said, “Don't embarrass me,” instead of “Be mine” “Please pick up the phone, pick up the phone” We talked for hours when you were on tour "Please come back to Rome," you make it home Took for these natural twins to believe in miracles Verse 1 Look, I apologize, often womanize Hannah Williams wonders for him, "Why do I keep running away?" as he thinks about how he keeps messing up. Jay-Z wishes he were a better husband and struggles with his limitations and mistakes as a human. Singer Hannah Williams lays down the melodic vocals for Jay Z's rap track singing, "Do I find it so hard / When I know in my heart / I'm letting you down every day?" She's singing from Jay-Z's perspective here to Beyonce, his wife. He wrote it down, and now we have quite a bit to explain the details of. He actually thought of the song when he woke up in the middle of the night at 4:44 AM. He tells us that he wishes he hadn't had an affair and worries about what his children will think of him when they are old enough to find out. "4:44" is Jay-Z apologizing for the things he's done to his wife and to his kids. "I'm never gonna treat you like I should"
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